Seeking MAGIC

2025 was kquite a year. One full of heartbreak, pain, and also growth. 

One year ago, I was in a relationship that lasted over 30 years, then it ended in January. The details that surround the unraveling of this relationship are unimportant in this context. The fact is that here I am, starting over at 52. Although it may seem hopeless, I will NOT waste any more tears on could'ves, should'ves, or would'ves. It is what it is! 

Early this year, there were some dark days. I felt disappointment, self-blame, shame, loneliness, sadness, anger, indignation, anxiety, and a host of other negative emotions. The psychological-turned-physical pain was real!! And feeling my feelings was not easy.  I wanted to disappear, to pack up my kids and start over somewhere else. How could I possibly move forward?

I began my healing by surrounding myself with positive and loving people. I also took solace in reading self-help books, consuming one after another. Some of the titles I read were Codependent No More, The New Codependency, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes, Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why Does He Do That?, Anxious Attachment No More, The Inner Work, among others. "The Let Them Theory" was instrumental in helping me come to terms with letting go and learning about emotional detachment.  

I saw my situation as a journey towards rediscovery. I started to feel better as I began practicing gratitude daily. I also found peace on Sunday mornings when I visited the church conveniently located next door to my house. I reconnected with my faith and, in a way, with myself. I was even able to mend relationships with estranged family members. I even visited groups like Codependent (CODA) and Alcoholics Anonymous, seeking to connect with others who may be trying to heal, just like me. And, of course, my therapist has been a Godsend. She has witnessed my progress, slow at times, and cheers me on at every session. 

I’ve learned a lot about who I truly am and what genuinely matters to me, and I refuse to give up on love. As I began considering meeting new people and eventually dating, I realized I didn't really understand what I wanted or needed in a relationship. I didn't know what I didn't know! Through deep introspection and spiritual reflection, I had an epiphany.  I got to thinking about the attributes that would make me happy with a potential companion.  Suddenly, I was excited to envision a future, no matter how distant, that included love, passion, and partnership. 

I want to seek magic—but not the hokus pokus type! The magic I hope to find is an acronym—a reflection of the qualities I feel are essential in a life partner. So, I identified nine attributes that define the kind of love I seek—my version of MAGIC:

Spirituality

Expression

Empathy

Kindness

Maturity

Affection

Generosity

Integrity

Chemistry

Stay with me as I  break down what each one of these attributes means and why they are important to me. 

For now, I leave you with a challenge:

If you were to create your own acronym for the kind of love you seek, what would it be?